We’ve all “lost it” - been in situations when we were working on our last nerve and something pushed us over the edge. Could have been at the end of a long day of a long week wrapping up a long project we couldn’t agree on the last detail. So we lashed out at a peer. Or, during the holiday season. We shopped a little too long on an empty stomach and when we finally sat down in a crowded restaurant to grab something to eat we snapped at the waitress. These situations are uncomfortable for our victims, witnesses and for us. When the dust settles, the project is complete, or our belly is full again, we feel foolish. Or at least we should. Our hissy fit may have gotten more attention paid to our project or food order but at the price of our image. We’ve lost the opportunity to be thought of as gracious and attractive, two powerful qualities. Think for a moment of individuals who are gracious and attractive and displayed those qualities under pressure. New York Mayor Guiliani was grace personified after September 11th. There was a man who had every reason to “lose it” and never did. Pofessional coach Laura Berman Fortgang offers the example of Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, the Canadian skaters originally denied the gold medal in the Olympics. Disappointed, yes, but never once did they display ungracious behavior or comments toward their competitors or the judges. Look around in your organization and pick out the individuals who conduct themselves with power, grace and style. They are likely to be the individuals who others are naturally drawn to. They don’t try to control situations with their temper tantrums. They aren’t the whiners, the complainers and the spotlight doesn’t have to be fixed on them. They are team players and use terms like “we” and “us.” They work for the organization and not for themselves. They don’t fix the blame; they fix the problems. Become an individual who is gracious and powerful. Communicate at work and get your point across without “losing it.” The laws of being attractive are simple. • Stop whining. Count your blessings. If for some reason you don’t know how many people are out of work, find out. Be grateful you are receiving a paycheck. • Listen. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. When you do, you are more likely to be understanding of his point of view. • Ask. Rather than complain, ask for changes. If there is something that needs changing in your environment or role at work, don’t complain to your supervisor, ask for a change. Eg. Instead of saying “Working until 6 p.m. is too late for me. By the time I get home, my children are tired and hungry and I don’t have any time with them.” Say, “May I change my hours to 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. These hours would work better for me at home.” • Count to ten. This usually works. Remember the person who “loses it” always loses. Call us for Business Etiquette Training and Business Etiquette Training Materials 973-857-6200 etiquette@corbyoconnor.com ©Copyright 2008. CORBY O'CONNOR ETIQUETTE & PROTOCOL. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO PART OF THIS MATERIAL MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN INFORMATION AND/OR RETRIEVAL SYSTEMS OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY WAY OR BY ANY MEANS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ELECTRONIC, MAGNETIC, DIGITAL, OPTICAL, LASER-BASED, MECHANICAL OR OTHERWISE,WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM CORBY O'CONNOR ETIQUETTE & PROTOCOL.